COMFORTABLY NUMB....!!!!

Its hard how I sometimes sit thinking all that I have done so far is of no use any more.... Helpless is not what I feel... I feel Numb...I am sick of trying...fixing...ignoring...understanding...adjusting.... contemplating.... reasoning.... feeling dumb....

Excruciatingly dead my brain does not want to go for a new start... how are things gonna take turns... I don't want to think... I will accept.. a faded memory recasts all the dreams I had... It feels like that distant rescue motor boat while you are drowning in the middle of the sea....

hails...cries...wails....damn you's....all going on in my head at the same time.... i want everyone around me to shut up.... and i want to lock myself up in a room... forget everything... like formatting my C: drive.... I dont mind an Alzheimer too.....

I am too young they say to feel all of this... but i cant deny the fact that I AM feeling this....and am not a teenager....

Let's see...................  

I often think...

I often think despite of where I am... That am afraid that i might end up suffering from schizophrenia... I dont know why I have this fear...somehow it runs in my genes as my grandfather suffered from it too....

You Raise Me Up...!!!

How many times have you told your mother that you love her? How many times have you made her feel special.... ?? No, I am not talking about her birthday or anniversary.. I am talking about a random day when you only went out with her just to see that smile on her face...

People have time to take their respective boyfriends/girlfriends out... to take care of what they like and keep looking for excuses to give them presents... Do we try to do that with our mother...??

Have you ever questioned, why?? I'll tell you the answer...Its because you know that no matter what you do or dont...she will be there... she will take care of you even when you are in a fight with someone else..

Not for a moment will she think of hurting you because even the thought of hurting you hurts her... Then why do we think sometimes that a little interference by her in our grown up life is bothering...

Why dont we share everything of our life to our mother like we do with our best friend(s)... How can we forget that she is the only LOYAL friend in the world... the ONE and ONLY...

Why do we treat our mothers like nurses.. Dont you remember those nights whe she would stay up late just because you need to study.. she would not eat just because your stomach aches.. She would cancel her plans and everybody else's because you cant be a part of it.. she would always know where the thing is when you have already spent hours looking for it in the wrong places.. she would clean your messed up closet and room and bathroom and beyond that your guilt, your mistakes, your destiny, your way to success...

Wasn't she the one to fight with dad for all you needed... wasnt she the one making your bed... getting things handy for you.. feed you on time... take care of your skin, your hair, your clothing... to make sure that you grow up into a wonderful human being..

Then why when she calls your name more than twice and you are on the phone with your friend you yell ather tell her to shut up... Not fair...

She is much more than JUST a mother... and its impossible for me to put what she does in words in a mere blog....

I use the opportunity to tell my mum that I love her... and I know:

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk in stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be.......  <3

Holi - My way...

Different people in this world and different opinions, and here I go typing mine... Though this festival is pretty much a chaos for some.. for some it is one of the most lovely festival with joy and wholesome madness...

If I look back and try to recollect some of my memories of this festival am shocked to think there are so many... Not that am extraordinarily in love with this festival but yes.. I like the nasty part attached to it and the after bath chaos and pain.

Having said that I remember my school days when it would fall between the exam schedule and we friends still wouldnt care and go around playing pranks putting colours... here in this city called Delhi..its more like getting drunk and dancing on the DJ on any random song... I happen to love the holi in those street corners where all kids have their plastic pichkaari molded into different shapes... for some the default, for some a super soaker, for some a gun.... I somehow miss that cold breeze and we all drenched in those strong colour water solutions... 

Where are my friends.. come back to me.... where are you all.. do you remember how much fun we had??? do you remember calling me and wishing me once to recall and relive all those moments... where art thou... i miss My holi.....

just another day...

All right... I havent been into this whole writing thing from quite a long time but the only problem is even if i havent .. I havent... people have been forcing me to put in whatever/whenever i think of anything and everything... its not like i am a writer or something.. the only way I write is when i really feel like doing it.. it hasnt got anything to do with whats going on with my life or procrastination or whatever.. its just my mood...simply.. what and how i feel sometimes...

In the middle of all the everyday crap I keep hearing put yourself into what you write what i dont understand is which "yourself" are they talking about.. I mean its not like am living a secret life or something... Its just so damn annoying.. and then since am the "good girl" .. i dont say anything to their face.. all i say is "oh sure...i think you are right .. I will"...phew.. i mean what the hell... why does anybody need to write anything just because they want to be themselves when they are writing.. shouldnt it be an everyday practice..rather than just an impulse or mystery for that matter...

some people after reading this might think am crazy or something.. but the thing is am not... i dont think writing a blog is to highlight yourself... its better for creative advertising i agree... or making other people think you are superior or updated... or simply because you are "cool"...

I write because i suddenly feel that streak to just log onto blogspot and scribble whatever comes to my mind....

I mean why would i want people to know if i am going through a dilemma or confusion or misery .. yeah with joy I agree... i would want the world to know that am happy... but wouldnt really want to unfold secrets... cuz after all they are "secrets"....

dont feel like writing anymore because am distracted.. pardon all the spellings and grammatical mistakes.... ciao.